Wednesday, February 23, 2011

While Nick and I don't need anyone to pat us on the back for having decided to get married, I have to admit it can be a bit frightening. The two of us admit that while love and commitment are freaking paramount (specifically ours, and to each other), signing up for the institution seems like something of a social vanity. When I try to unpack why we are doing this, my logic gets cyclical and lousy with holes. I do not mean that as a slight to the married. Obviously, it is a gig I am trying to score.

It is frightening because I know it could fail. I am not saying that because we're not happy or supportive or kind, but because I'm not naive enough to think that separation is only for the too-young, the addicted, the betrayed, the rash. Alienation and contempt can creep in over a few black and trying months and screw up the whole deal.

What's that line in Annie Hall? About a relationship, like a shark, always having to move forward lest it die? Constant forward momentum seems extreme (sometimes I'm tired) but I would like to always bear in mind that we are growing this thing, not just having it to keep.

I am overthinking this, sure. This is weighty shit, though!

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