Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Michelle's nearly-married (May 7!) best friend Sara has bestowed her cache of Awesomely Terrible Wedding Magazines onto our household. They are sort of toxic and lovely and surreal, but mostly they read like absurd fiction, something published in McSweeney's. For example:

"Be sure your bridesmaids purchase their dresses at the same time, so that the garments are processed in the same dye lot."

"Black is white's most perfect accessory"

And, listed in a collage of fun things to register for: $50 "onion goggles". Which I take to mean, goggles one dons while chopping onions. Also known as..goggles.

I like to idly flip through them on the porch swing after a long run, trance-like. Sometimes Michelle or Ana will catch me in the act, and I'll toss the magazine up in a flutter of pages, like it's become suddenly white-hot. "Brain poison!", I'll cry...and then pick it back up.


  1. i SO need onion goggles. maybe not ones that cost $50 though. i cry when onions are chopped, whether or not i'm even the one chopping them!

  2. I also get pretty damn weepy if chopped onions are anywhere in my vicinity, although, couldn't we just use swim goggles? Maybe I'll have to start doing that.

  3. Truthfully, I agree with the dye lots comment; knitters have to buy a sweater's worth of yarn at a time for that reason, and I notice that different batches of fragrance mist at B&BW are different shades.

  4. What kills me in those mags (yeah...i have many too) are all the bridesmaid/groomsmen/guest gifts that they have. like, does someone want a monogrammed roll-up makeup bag? or beer steins with my face on them? perhaps they do. who am i to know.