Tuesday, August 28, 2012

How to wear shoes

1. Get asked to be in a wedding. Your first friend to get married! The dress is a prescribed chocolate brown tea length number, but you get to pick the shoes. But what color shoes to wear with a formal brown dress? Mention offhandedly to your mom you might try to find some metallic pumps.

2. Your mom presents you with a pair of bronze-y Clark's sandals with a low wedge in your size. Grimace. It is a nice gesture you guess? but you'll not go near them. Leave them in their box in your closet.

3. Fiiiiinally find some metallic peep-toe pumps on clearance that will definitely work, despite being a size too big. You will definitely be able to wear them all day, I mean, they're just shoes and you wear shoes all the time.

4. Clomp around the church and then the reception hall painfully because your shoes are too big and they won't stay on, not even a little bit.

5. Be thankful your boyfriend brought flats to the wedding for you. Dance yourself stupid.

6. Finally get that "real job" you wanted. Try to translate your style...which is what exactly?...into office-appropriate. Find that smart pencil skirts constrict and wrinkle over a sedentary lap. Find that prancing around in heels at your laid-back office reads a little young. Find that young is how you are already feeling, since it's your first job, since you're just 24. Resign yourself to slim cut trousers and flats. Oh well. It's just clothes.

7. As you're moving apartments, come across the Clark's sandals in the closet. Are they getting donated? Try them on. Oh my god, they're so comfortable. What have you even been walking around on before you put these things on your feet? Upturned nails, basically.

8. Decide you are definitely not too cool to wear these bland sandals to work.

9. Decide you are definitely not too cool to wear these sandals as a civilian.

10. Wear them constantly.


  1. I keep wondering if those are the Sandals In Question in the photo. I suspect so, but maybe not, since you described them as bland and I keep scrolling up to look at them and envy how stylish they are.

    I demand a how-to on wearing clothes. And listening to music. And eating curry.

  2. Those sandals are adorable! And I sort of had the opposite experience recently where I put on shoes I meant to get rid of, wore them to work all day, and remembered why they were a bad purchase and why I'd tried to get rid of them-pain pain pain. Thanks a lot H&M, jerks.